at a crossroad

so where do i go now? i have been asking myself this question a lot lately. many things have happened to me in the last 3 and a half years that normally, in an average persons life, happen over the course of their entire life. 3 and a half years ago my life changed dramatically. almost ended. but i had an angel with me at my side and had two angels on earth who stepped in and saved my life. thank you Trevor, David, and David. miracles have happened in my life. too many to count. i should not be alive. BUT I AM! so now, what do i do? where do i go? who do i bring on this journey? well, you know who you are. i have told you this directly or you know by my actions towards you. recently i have met a few amazing people. people that have and still, will change my life forever. i am eternally grateful to them. for what they have done for me and for what they have done for me that will affect my kid's lives. so where do i go? i go forward. i never look back. i do not listen to those who say, well are you sure? do you think you can? do not question me. rather, support me, motivate me, push me, or challenge me. i do not want a pity party. no way. don't feel sorry for me. i hope no one does. i am so lucky that i was in my accident. almost dying that day has saved my life. i would get on the road right now and stop in traffic and have a guy rear end me doing 75 mph again, right now, if i were able to learn what i have learned and to see again the things i saw. i was able to meet my youngest son trevor in the spirit world while i was in my coma. he told me that he wanted me to be his dad. wow. how many fathers can say that? only one that i know of. i met our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. He gave me a hug and He told me that He loved me. wow. an amazing day it was for me. i was blessed to meet my son and our Savior the same day. i asked The Savior if i was going to the right church and He said, "there are many good churches, but the only true church on the earth is The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints." i am not telling you this because i want to try and convert you to be mormon. i tell you because i am to tell all that i come in to contact with, His words. i am not making this up. those of you who know me know that i would not lie to you. especially not in this way. i do not regret any thing that has come as a result of my accident. everything happens for a reason. i have met some of the most amazing people as a result of my accident. all different types of people too. friends to doctors to therapists. have i met the girl that i will spend eternity with? well if i said that i less than 3 you would you know? probably not. but she will. so where am i now. well with my rehab i feel like i am very close to being %100 again.my goal is to be that way by December first. well by my calculations, and i am really good at math, i'm not going to make that goal. so what? i will be %100 by January 1, 2009. if you say that's too soon, go ahead, challenge me. i dare you. when i prove you wrong you can take me out for ice cream. so please. push me. challenge me. He never said this life would be easy. only that it would be worth. you know what? it is worth it. i will take my story and use it to motivate and to inspire thousands. this accident has been a gift. a gift from our Heavenly Father. i am now ready to go forth and give back what i have been blessed to have. i learn something new every day. i am thankful for so many things now. things i took for granted. but not any more. today is the first day of the rest of my life. i'm going to make it better than yesterday. so when you see me, ask me where i am, or what i am doing to grow, to become %100. i almost feel by closing this like a prayer. well it is my prayer that i will have the strength to go and do these things. i made a promise to myself to be %100. i will not let myself down, because i can't leave the room if i walk in. i can't avoid myself asking me if i'm %100. i see myself in the mirror everyday. i do not want to tell myself that i failed. I WILL TELL MYSELF THAT I DID IT. I FINISHED THIS RACE. I WON THIS BATTLE. i will not let myself down. i will soon look in the mirror and be able to say, well done. for those of you that have been part of my life through all of this, thank you. i love you. you have each played an important role in my life. whether you think it was important or not. for my two boys. Nick Ryan and T.J., i love you two. you gave your father hope. you gave me a reason to live. you both saved my life. one day i will tell you both how. i can always look at a picture of you two and give myself a boost. you both chose me to be your father. thank you. i needed both of you. you have both taught me so much. i love you both. Nick Ryan, you have been here for me, at my side since you were 30 days old. T.J., you have been here for me since before you were born. i will do anything for you two. i will be anything for you two, but what i hope to be, is your best friend. in closing this i want to say, i'm so happy. i have never been this happy before. good things are happening in my life. in every area. i can't wait to go to bed so that i can wake up and be one day closer to being %100. this is all possible through our Heavenly Father. and i will always remember that.